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When we found out you were pregnant we were ecstatic and soon we discovered it was a girl and spent the months running up to the birth getting the nursery ready.
Every time our baby kicked you’d grab my hand, put it on your tummy and say, “Can you feel her Christian? She’s so lively!”
You wanted to call our daughter Ilaria after a family friend you’d met in Venice. You found out that in Latin it meant “always happy.”
We saw Ilaria before she was born. We had a 3D scan where you can see your baby’s face – she was beautiful.
I am so thankful we did that now. When you went two weeks past your due date the hospital near our home in Bolton wanted to induce you. It’s hard for me to think straight about what happened next.
When Ilaria was ready to come the midwife told you to push but Ilaria’s heartbeat dropped – she was in distress. Tag Heuer Replica watches
You looked at me in terror as we were surrounded by doctors trying to get Ilaria out. When she was born she was blue and nurses rushed her to the special care baby unit. You screamed, “Is she OK?” and all I could say was, “Yes, she’s beautiful, just like you.”
It breaks my heart you never even saw your daughter, let alone held her. Then your heart rate started going up and your blood pressure started going down. Doctors said they had to get you into theatre straight away.
As they wheeled you out I grabbed your foot and said “I love you”. It was the last time I saw you alive.
Minutes later a doctor took me aside and told me Ilaria was was showing signs of major brain damage and they didn’t expect her to live. I didn’t know which of you to turn to first.
I went to see Ilaria in her incubator. Half an hour later doctors told me the news that would change my life forever. There had been massive bleeding and as they tried to operate you’d had a cardiac arrest.
My world fell apart. I remember shouting, “Why?”
You were just 27, healthy as can be, and now you were gone. An aneurysm had caused the bleeding. retail replica watches
No-one could have foreseen it, the doctors did all they could. In the chapel of rest you looked like you were sleeping peacefully. I kissed your face and stroked your hair as I sobbed.
I felt totally lost. Then a nurse came to find me and said something amazing had happened and led me to Ilaria. She’d pulled all the tubes out of her chest and nose and was breathing on her own. The nurses said it was a miracle.
It seemed our Ilaria was determined to stay alive. A nurse laid her in my arms and she began to cry. “Don’t worry, Daddy’s here,” I told her, and she immediately stopped crying.
Our daughter was going to live.
It was as if you’d said, “God, you can have me, but you’re not having my daughter.”
Suddenly, from feeling I had nothing left to live for, I had Ilaria. I changed her first nappy, gave her her first bottle – I thought about how you’d have done it and tried to do it the same way.
But then it was back to the terrible reality – your funeral.
Four hundred people attended as the vicar who’d married us buried you just three years later.
And then, two days later I brought Ilaria home from the hospital.

May 16, 2010 Posted by | Arts & Entertainment, Humanities | , , , , | Leave a comment